urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana Lily Lily 2007-04-20T04:27:55Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:144549 2007-04-20T04:27:55Z 2007-04-20T04:27:55Z One of you doesn't know it, but I'm ignoring you. You'll probly never figure it out either since we never talk that much anyways. Lets face it though, you brought it on yourself and provoked me. But if you ever did happen to come up to me in school I would just walk away. I've embraced my bitchy side lately and I havent decided yet how much better it is than coming off as a pushover.<br /><br />Its wierd how things happen that you think are momentous and then theyre not, but when really momentous things happen you realize dont realize what a big deal they are.<br /><br />Its also wierd how fast relationships change. We havent even graduated yet and everyones already acting wierd. Including me.<br /><br />Theres not a lot of individual stuff I'm going to miss, but I'm going to miss it all together.<br /><br />"Maybe that's all that family really is. A group of people who all miss the same imaginary place."<br /><br />This is the golden time bitches. Get over it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:144162 2007-03-04T16:14:28Z 2007-03-04T16:14:28Z last night i made a very important decision concerning the next 5/6 months of my life. it probably wont work. but w/e i'm gonna pretend cuz otherwise i'll go crazy. epiphanies are good things.<br /><br />in other annoying news, postsecret is FINALLY coming within a 4 hour drive of charlotte, but, of course, is going to uga and is not open to the public. sweet.<br />when i get to wash u i'm requesting an invite. seriously, that postsecret guy is like my hero.<br /><br />i dunwanna write this essayyyyyyy urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:144047 2007-03-02T00:33:06Z 2007-03-02T00:33:06Z tonight i did something really stupid<br />that maybe wont actually turn out to be stupid<br />but 99.999999% will<br />and it's making me really nervous<br />but i'm still going to go through with it<br />and i'm glad i am<br />which is confusing<br />(don't worry though, it's not illegal... that I know of...)<br /><br /><br />i'm thinking about making this private since that fact that i dont know who's reading it has stopped me from writing anything anymore. does anyone care? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:143765 2007-02-22T01:35:13Z 2007-02-22T01:35:13Z reminder: openning your bank statements is a good idea because SOMETIMES they say that they're going to deactivate your card and then you end up standing in the middle of harris teeter with a gallon of milk and no money.<br /><br />also: check with your friends to make sure they're on the same page as you cuz SOMETIMES they're not and your oblivious and stuff goes to shit and you have NO idea. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:143530 2007-02-14T04:37:55Z 2007-02-14T04:37:55Z but i am totally having a kates-character-in-guernica moment.<br />and it sucks.<br />cuz i don't want to be.<br />just to be clear.<br />i really don't want to be.<br />so i guess it isn't exactly like her character.<br /><br />i have a love hate relationship with valentines day.<br />that seems too normal.<br />i'll work on some other outlook. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:143260 2007-02-13T03:47:55Z 2007-02-13T03:47:55Z but did you have Dr. Sue the sex lady<br />and a free jibbs concert...<br />that's right bitches<br /><br />on the other hand one of their students got attacked today in her dorm so i'm pretty sure i'm going to die next year...<br />on the other hand if stuff goes bad i have a fallback plan: Muse (any takers)<br /><br />oh, and Harry Potter has a 10 minute nude love(ish) scene in EQUUS which opens soon in London. yay for growing up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:143010 2007-02-10T05:14:23Z 2007-02-10T05:14:23Z Reason number 10 million why Wash U is the best college ever (that's right. i said it. feel free to leave nasty comments):<br />Bill Nye the Science Guy came to speak today urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:142822 2007-02-09T05:30:27Z 2007-02-09T05:30:27Z punch me. i think it'd hurt less.<br />not that anything hurts much anymore.<br /><br />-the blue eyed voice urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:142462 2007-02-08T00:36:37Z 2007-02-08T00:45:00Z 1) Broke a nail<br />Jumping on my bed<br />Trying to stick glowing stars too my ceiling<br />I got too enthusiastic<br />Luckily I was gonna go get them redone tomorrow anyways<br />It was def worth it<br />Def<br /><br />2) Got a postcard<br />From UPS<br />Saying I had to find my way out to their warehouse in the middle of nowhere<br />To pick up a package they tried to deliver to me<br />...last November<br /><br />3) Agreed to wake up an hour early tomorrow<br />To go to a cycling class for crazy people<br />With music way too loud for 6am<br />I am going to seriously regret it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:142206 2007-02-06T03:12:36Z 2007-02-06T03:12:36Z I got a raiiiiise<br />Then I worked tonight in my PJs with the TV in the background and got a shitload done and felt accomplished<br />Plus, I get to be surrounded by pretty stuff<br /><br />Be very jealous. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:142026 2007-02-04T06:04:53Z 2007-02-04T06:04:53Z i would hate to be famous<br />i would be miserable urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:141641 2007-01-31T04:33:28Z 2007-01-31T04:33:28Z -My car now has a gorgeous Wash U decal on it<br />-The play is almost over<br />-I've been talking to some really cool Wash U people on IM and facebook about actually things... like that matter... and are intellectual but fun.<br />-My sonnets in english kicked serious sonnet ass<br />-Postsecret is not coming to NC before the summer at least. They are going to St Louis though, which means they wont come again when i'm there. sweet.<br />-I'm like one of the giant balloons that's at the point where there's only enough helium so that it floats around and doesn't fall but wont rise anymore. dammit.<br />oooh! i want one of those helium tanks and then i can make my voice make funny noises.<br />-I thought of something intellectual to say on here, but then i realized this is more of a joke to me than a sounding board by now. that's kinda sad. i know why though. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:141328 2007-01-28T04:55:21Z 2007-01-28T04:55:21Z Today I:<br />-woke up in my cousins safe bed in her safe house and felt really really safe<br />-got the postsecret books in the mail<br />-almost beat my dad at scrabble<br />-had an amazing fancy dinner with awesome friends who decided to see if the waiter would bring me a "divorce" cake while I was in the bathroom<br />-sat around and did nothing<br />-was told that I seemed like I had my life together... and I laughed<br /><br />Life is good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:141209 2007-01-26T02:24:46Z 2007-01-26T04:11:19Z The next spring semester of CITYterm started today. I am soooooo jealous.<br /><br />Unfortunately, people change. You wish they could apologize, but they can't.<br /><br />One thing that is true: I am not living in the past. Problem is, even I'll admit it's not the present. And it's definitely not the future. Then where the fuck am I? 5th dimension bitches.<br />Daaaaaamn. I got myself all lost again.<br />B-day idea: gps system of life... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:141018 2007-01-22T03:59:51Z 2007-01-22T03:59:51Z -it's actually kind of amazing how quickly 2 weeks go by, and then are followed by 2 of the slowest weeks of my life. at least it evens out.<br />-i want to quit. but i wont. because i can't do that to you two. bleh. at least i get to still feel like i am a good friend (even if that is a shitty excuse for not quitting). i'm flipping shit at someone when it's over though.<br />-i ordered the rest of the postsecret books today<br />-chapel hill was the shit. it made me very happy for multiple reasons<br />-I GET TO SEE ANNE TOMORROW and then I get to talk about CITYterm to people<br />-i am officially having a CITYterm roomie reunion in NYC in less than a month and the three of us will probably not have time to sleep. but we will dance and cook and talk and chill and party<br />-the summer plans are official that i am going to barcelona and florence and paris and berlin and most likely prague and vienna for a month<br />-in may i get to go to a really cool wedding in boston (or maybe DC. i dunno.) with really cool people that make me happiest in the world that I didn't think i was going to get to go to<br />-i managed to drive home in the ice without getting into a wreck. which, lets face it, is an accomplishment<br />-i have plan to keep myself very busy right up until when i leave for college, which is good, cuz i hate being bored. except i dont hate anyways.<br />-oh, and did i mention that tomorrow i get to chill with anne, one of the smartest and coolest people i know<br />KICKASS urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:140670 2007-01-18T04:00:29Z 2007-01-18T04:00:29Z ok. so my environmental science teacher is really getting to me. i'm actually considering becoming a semivegan... like organic vegan... like i only eat animal products that come from animals raised on real farms, not industrial farms... which means mostly vegan with other stuff as a special treat. he's already got me sworn off of all meat except some chicken and turkey.<br /><br />quick. somebody talk me out of it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:140341 2007-01-17T00:24:30Z 2007-01-17T00:24:30Z just when you start thinking youre making the tiniest bit of of progress... it turns out you have no idea. and people are... assholes.<br /><br />whatever. i'm probly kinda schitzo. half the time i love my life and can't get enough for no reason, and then i think people suck and just want to run away.<br /><br />at least Celina made me happy today and said she still loves me even when i'm a bitch. i like that some people i can count on to be honest and actually be there for me when i need them.<br /><br />this kinda feels like a bomb waiting to go off that i really dont want to go off but has to eventually cuz i wont be able to stop it forever. and then it will hurt a whole hell of a lot and i'll hate myself for not having the strength to just keep holding it back. but in the end it'll be like a big relief that i dont have to worry about the bomb anymore. but then i dont know what i'll worry about. and i kinda think the bomb keeps me balanced and entertained so i dont get into more trouble. wow. that's a fucked up metaphor. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:140060 2007-01-09T01:13:46Z 2007-01-09T01:13:46Z ok, so over break i babysat this baby for like 4 hours (but really like 30 min cuz i just put her to bed) and pretty much was probably the shittiest babysitter ever and pretty much figured i was a failure at taking care of children and would never be hired by anyone ever again because they would all find out how generally sucky i am with kids. seriously, i had to call someone to figure out how to get the onsie over the kids head. but kids are wierd anyways. i mean, they are cute from far away, but interacting with them is a bitch. i have no patience... i once (accidentally... really) locked a 6 year old in his room using a string contraption and then couldnt get the knot untied. they never called me to babysit again.<br /><br />the point is, i thought i was gonna be a failure at taking care of kids forever but then, tonight- THEY CALLED ME AGAIN!!!!<br /><br />i'm makin money, i'm makin money...<br />p.s. still never trust me with any kid. ever. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:139910 2007-01-07T06:20:43Z 2007-01-07T06:20:43Z congratulations.<br /><br /><br />today i watched the entire last season of Friends.<br />a hundred times later it never fails to make me cry.<br />i'm a sucker for things ending.<br />So torn between dragging it out and just making it end.<br />it's been like 3 years and i still miss them. awwwww. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:139715 2007-01-03T02:18:32Z 2007-01-03T02:27:31Z and the beat goes on<br /><br />i am officially ready for summer break already<br /><br />emotionally. mentally.<br />senioritis.<br />moved on.<br />might as well sleep for the next 5 months.<br /><br />i miss... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:139497 2006-12-23T04:06:22Z 2006-12-23T04:06:22Z that is such a good movie. makes me fucking paranoid though.<br /><br />This is stupid. I am out of things to say that I can say on this anymore. Damn. I'm complex and want to say things that would piss people off. Right now I'm pretty sure I'm not a great person and I'm kinda ok with that. Or too worn out from pretending to care. Sweetness.<br /><br />But I got lots of cool things for Chanukah, my favs being:<br />An amazing coat (Coach *dies*)<br />A ring<br />Simon card<br />A Vera Bradley garment bag to match my other stuff<br />More Uggs (by accident, not actually meant for me, long story)<br /><br />And all you Christian people have to wait 3 more days. Ha! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:139040 2006-12-17T04:10:52Z 2006-12-17T04:14:14Z who the hell is hatticusqfinch?<br />anyone know?<br />cuz they IMed me and then when I responded acted like they hadnt IMed me and I had started a conversation with them.<br />So being the stalker I am, I looked at their info and the area code for the cell number they gave was sacramento, california.<br />IM makes me happy, also confuses me.<br /><br />edit: omg this is actually kinda cool. google it (i'm not ocd, really) and it tells you it's this robot thing that connects two people together and makes them both think they started a conversation. crazy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:138876 2006-12-17T02:47:35Z 2006-12-17T02:47:35Z 1) I haven't gotten a letter from Wash U saying they made a mistake and I actually suck at life... yet<br />2) I got to chill with people who I never chill with and decided I am actually going to make an effort to chill with them more<br />3) I made kinda plans to go party up at UNC... sometime. And then I found out something that made me kinda sad, so I decided to ignore it just like I have for a really long time and then I was happy again. So get excited.<br />4) I celebrated getting into college by sleeping a lot and having me time... which sadly made me happier than going out probably would have (it's not what I would have done, it's just a being around people thing). DAMNIT. I'm becoming a fucking hermit. That wont last long though. Definitely looking foward to break where I already have plans almost every night.<br />5) Darcy Cocoa (my car) hit 25000 miles, which is quite an achievement. Maybe I'll throw her a party (or just finally get around to going to a carwash).<br />6) I joined the wash u '11 facebook group and started talking to a few people.<br />7) I reorganized all the clutter in my room in celebration of finally getting a rug<br />8) I need to get some more nag champa incense NOW<br />9) I really wanted to get someone to paint a special picture just for me to hang on the big empty space on my wall and make it be flowy and orange and red and yellow to match my room. And I thought of the perfect person. But then they weren't so perfect, but I didn't care because I made a giant bulletin board collage of stuff that makes me happy no matter what.<br />10) I. Got. The. Postsecret. Book. For. Chanukah. Finally! And then spent over an hour reading the entire thing and feeling kinda sad and kinda happy that I don't have one big thing that I really need to send it. Maybe because I don't think it's that big a deal, but probably because I can fix it without that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:138652 2006-12-15T02:25:52Z 2006-12-15T02:25:52Z WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY IN ST. LOUIS CLASS OF 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lililana:138279 2006-12-14T04:04:04Z 2006-12-14T04:04:04Z i have officially decided that people suck.<br />i am not a fan of most people.<br />maybe i am too judgemental.<br />maybe people are actually all just egocentric, selfish, insecure assholes on the inside.<br /><br />i have also officially decided that having divorced parents really does suck.<br />because lets face it, harmony can't last forever.<br />too bad it couldn't have lasted like 8 MORE FUCKING MONTHS.<br />but it kind of is my fault.<br />not that they got divorced.<br />but that i got myself into this no win situation.<br /><br />damn it.<br />i kinda suck at life right now.<br />but it's ok.<br />i have new plan.<br />i'm gonna marry for money.<br />divorce the guy cuz i'm sick of love.<br />then become a hermit and live by myself.<br />and not need anyone else and be EMO ALL BY MYSELF!<br />damn.